Christian Ethics: Understanding Cohabitation in the Light of Biblical Teachings

7/17/2024

Christian Ethics: Understanding Cohabitation (Living Together Unmarried)

Introduction: The Shift from Marriage to Cohabitation

In our journey to understand Christian ethics, we now turn our attention to the subject of cohabitation. What once was looked at as "living in sin" is now called "living together." As Walter C. Kaiser Jr. poignantly notes, "What used to be called 'living in sin' or 'shacking up together' is now euphemistically called 'living together,' 'partnering,' or 'cohabitation.' But a loving God wants us to know that he did not make us to live like this, nor did he give the gift of sex to have us end up disappointed, for 'living together' is not what it might seem to be at first glance."

The issue at hand involves two individuals of opposite sex sharing a common living arrangement with a sexually intimate relationship devoid of any approval or sanction from the church or the state. This practice, increasingly common in today's society, stands in stark contrast to the biblical understanding of marriage and sexual purity.

The Rise of Cohabitation: A Statistical Overview

To grasp the magnitude of this shift, consider the following data on cohabitation in the United States:

1960s: Less than 1% (approximately 430,000 cohabiting couples)
1970s: Approximately 1.5% by the late 1970s (about 1.5 million cohabiting couples)
1980s: 3% by early 1980s; 5% by late 1980s (around 5 million cohabiting couples)
1990s: 6% by 1990; nearly 10% by late 1990s (approximately 9.8 million cohabiting couples)
2000s: 12% by 2010 (about 14 million cohabiting couples)
2010s: 15-18% by late 2010s (around 18 million cohabiting couples)
2020s: 20% by early 2020s (roughly 20 million cohabiting couples)

Several factors have contributed to this increase, including changing social norms, economic factors, delaying marriage, higher divorce rates, and cultural shifts advocating for individual rights and choices.

This analysis uses data from the U.S. Census Bureau, Pew Research Center, and various sociological studies on family and marriage trends.

Risks of Living Together Unmarried

Living together unmarried poses significant risks, not just relationally but also spiritually and emotionally. Research indicates that couples who cohabit before marriage have a 50% greater chance of getting divorced once married. Despite the common belief that cohabitation serves as a "trial run" for marriage, data suggests otherwise. Cohabitation increases the risk of premarital sexual experiences, which in turn raises the stakes for later unfaithfulness in marriage.

God demands holiness from His creatures and their culture. The Scriptures are clear on this, emphasizing the sanctity of marriage and the call to purity:

Genesis 2:24 - "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
Exodus 22:16 - "If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife."
Acts 15:20 - "Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals and from blood."
1 Corinthians 6:9, 13, 18 - "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men... The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body... Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body."
Galatians 5:19 - "The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery."
Ephesians 5:3 - "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
Colossians 3:5 - "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry."

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8: God's Standard for Purity

As we delve deeper into the topic, let's turn to 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, where the Apostle Paul provides clear guidance on God's will for sexual purity.

"1 As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. 2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit."

Defining Cohabitation and Its Implications

Cohabitation, in the context of Christian ethics, involves two individuals living together in a sexually intimate relationship without being married. This practice undermines the biblical concept of marriage and exposes individuals to spiritual, emotional, and relational harm.

Cohabitation vs. Marriage

Cohabitation replaces the covenantal commitment of marriage with a temporary and conditional arrangement. Marriage, as instituted by God, is a sacred covenant that reflects Christ's relationship with the Church. Cohabitation lacks this divine sanction and the lifelong commitment essential to a godly union.

The Dangers and Consequences of Cohabitation

Spiritual Consequences: Cohabitation is a form of sexual immorality that goes against God's command for purity. It grieves the Holy Spirit and distances individuals from God's blessings.
Emotional Consequences: Relationships built on cohabitation often lack stability and security, leading to emotional turmoil and brokenness.
Relational Consequences: Cohabitation does not provide the same level of commitment as marriage, resulting in higher rates of separation and instability.

God's Plan for Marriage and Purity

God's design for marriage is a covenant relationship characterized by exclusivity, faithfulness, and lifelong commitment. Proverbs 5:15-23 beautifully illustrates the joy and fulfillment found in a marital relationship that honors God's standards.

In-Depth Study of 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

In 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, the apostle Paul provides clear instructions for believers on living a life that pleases God, especially regarding sexual purity. This passage addresses three key areas: avoiding fornication, conducting a Christian courtship, and refusing to wrong a fellow believer.

I. We Must Avoid All Fornication (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

Paul begins by emphasizing that it is God's will for believers to be sanctified and to avoid sexual immorality. The Greek term "porneia" refers to all forms of illicit sexual intercourse. In a culture that often views premarital sex as acceptable, Paul asserts that believers are called to abstain from all sexual relations outside of marriage. This is not a mere suggestion but a command that aligns with God's will for our lives.

II. We Must Know How to Conduct a Christian Courtship (1 Thessalonians 4:4-5)

Paul instructs believers to control their bodies in a way that is holy and honorable. This involves conducting relationships with sanctity and respect, recognizing that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Christian courtship should be marked by purity, honor, and a commitment to God's standards. This approach helps build a strong foundation for a God-honoring marriage.

III. We Must Refuse to Wrong a Fellow Believer (1 Thessalonians 4:6-8)

Paul warns against taking advantage of or wronging a fellow believer through sexual immorality. Such actions not only harm the individuals involved but also grieve the Holy Spirit. God calls us to live holy lives, and engaging in premarital or extramarital sex violates this calling. It is essential to respect and honor one another as brothers and sisters in Christ, upholding purity and integrity in our relationships.

Conclusions

Paul emphasizes the seriousness of these instructions with a double entreaty, urging believers to change their lifestyles by the grace and forgiveness of God. This message is particularly relevant to the family of God, calling us to live in a way that reflects our commitment to Christ.

Halting premarital live-in situations is not optional; it is a command from our Savior. Continuing in known sin stunts our spiritual growth. Confessing and seeking God's help is essential for maintaining purity. For those called to marriage, seeking a God-honoring relationship is crucial. If called to singleness, embrace it as a gift and live in a way that glorifies God.

Reflections

Reflect on your own life and relationship choices in light of biblical teachings on sexual purity and cohabitation.
Consider the impact of living together before marriage on your future marital relationship and spiritual walk.
Pray for God’s guidance and strength to uphold His standards of holiness in your life and relationships.

Preventative Measures Against Infidelity

Understand the Covenant of Marriage: Recognize that marriage is a sacred covenant before God, not merely a social contract.
Marriage, in the Christian understanding, is not just a legal agreement or social arrangement but a sacred covenant instituted by God. This covenant reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church, highlighting its profound spiritual significance. In Ephesians 5:31-32, Paul writes, "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church." This passage underscores that marriage symbolizes the union between Christ and His Church, characterized by love, commitment, and mutual sacrifice.

Recognizing marriage as a covenant involves understanding it as a lifelong commitment that is honored before God and the community. It is a vow to remain faithful and loving, regardless of circumstances. The permanence of this covenant means that spouses are called to uphold their promises and work through challenges together, relying on God's grace and guidance.
Set Boundaries: Avoid being alone with members of the opposite sex and set clear boundaries to protect your marriage.
Setting boundaries is essential to safeguard the integrity of your marriage. These boundaries act as protective measures to prevent situations that could lead to temptation or misunderstandings. Proverbs 4:23 advises, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Guarding your heart involves being vigilant about your interactions and ensuring that they do not compromise your marital commitment.

Practical ways to set boundaries include avoiding private meetings or intimate conversations with members of the opposite sex. Transparency with your spouse about your interactions and fostering friendships that respect and support your marriage are also crucial. By establishing these boundaries, you demonstrate respect for your spouse and prioritize the health of your marital relationship.
Cultivate Purity: Let the Word of God and the Holy Spirit guide your thoughts and actions.
Purity in marriage is not just about physical faithfulness but also about maintaining purity of heart and mind. Jesus taught in Matthew 5:28, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This teaching emphasizes that purity begins in the heart and that our thoughts and intentions are as important as our actions.

To cultivate purity, immerse yourself in the Word of God and allow the Holy Spirit to transform your mind and heart. Regularly reading and meditating on Scripture helps to align your thoughts with God's will and provides a framework for living a life that honors Him. Prayer is also vital, as it allows you to seek God's strength and guidance in maintaining purity and resisting temptation.
Invest in Your Marriage: Work diligently to nurture and strengthen your marital relationship through communication, prayer, and mutual respect.
Investing in your marriage involves intentional effort and commitment to fostering a loving and supportive relationship. Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Ephesians 4:29 advises, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Open, honest, and kind communication helps to resolve conflicts, express love and appreciation, and build a strong connection with your spouse.

Prayer is another crucial aspect of investing in your marriage. Praying together invites God's presence into your relationship and strengthens your spiritual bond. It is a powerful way to seek God's guidance, wisdom, and blessings for your marriage.

Mutual respect is foundational to a thriving marriage. Ephesians 5:33 states, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." This mutual respect involves valuing each other's opinions, showing appreciation, and supporting each other's goals and aspirations.

Closing Thoughts: Upholding God's Standard

Cohabitation may seem harmless in contemporary culture, but it falls short of God's perfect design for human relationships. As followers of Christ, we are called to uphold the sanctity of marriage and to live lives of purity and holiness. Let us commit to honoring God in our relationships, reflecting His love and faithfulness in all that we do.

Bibliography

Kaiser, Walter C., Jr. What Does the Lord Require?: A Guide for Preaching and Teaching Biblical Ethics. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2009. Print.

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